The brothers karamazov

I am not a great or even marginally good writer. I just get excited and want to tell you all that is on my mind. I am a talker too. I talk to people all day and lately they will write me. I know I can manage my thoughts to cast them in to my products, to weave and to say and to ponder and to listen too..I love you!

The Brothers Karamazov..each chapter is so complex and so beautiful written that I am in awe and have to go back and ponder on these ideas so eloquently put together and always about God, what is he, why is he and what is reality..I am not done with the book yet. I can only take a couple of chapters and I am saturated..
Ivan goes on about why he questions the church and god and Iotia is a monk in the monastery..that was school in those days, man! Orthodox Byzantine Orthodoxy..
I know these things because I was immersed in the church since the beginning in my village. The priests were allowed to beat you! Ivan goes on to give examples of humans creation of what is right and how God wants it.like the young boy who threw a rock and it hit one of the dogs of the chancellor or some guy in charge,  and the dog limped for a minute..how hard could a child throw a rock, hey? Well he freaked out about his dog and then asked who did it and they took the child from his mother and put him in a dark cold room for the night and then in the morning they brought him out and made his mother take off all his clothes and made him run as they set the dogs on him and tore him apart in front of his mother.
later she got on her knees and said he  was a just lord..
Can you imagine the fear of a child all alone in a cold closet in Russia? He was about six,  I think.
Ivan says that we created our image of god..how else could such cruelty become?
It makes me shudder in fear of what some humans must have gone though in just the last 100 years.
How if you think our world is bad bad now and has no morals well, look at  how we are free of tyranny on that level.

Each inquisitor goes in the the jail cell before they would burn heretics alive to recite why god wants them to die this way because they simply spoke freely and the church heard about it.
They would say, "you stay silent..blah blah..God...blahh"


Yes it hurts me and while we decorate for Samhain Halloween and celebrate our harvests, we should look in to the part of our cells that have memory of  women's suffering and men's blood poured all over her belly, her creases and her mountainous breasts and all while she feeds and breathes for us..our mother earth is not a person or a goddess or some god that can save us..she is organic made of billions of years of broken and reconnected particles to make continents and enough dirt for us to respond to..I love her more every day that I am here,
she is dirt, dust, peptides and high tides
 I want her to  be happy, I want to know what is actually  sacred, like each thought I  may weave to create a beautiful day and to make a grand design of my own filled with all sorts of self created options..
How can I not enjoy all of them, I must, that is my duty for now....