things birth of old whore

I was going to call this soap some dulled up version, like bitch or OW, even!

My friend said to call her what she is..the old whore because to say the things that make us who we are.

I have never been the old whore more than now.

Here it is. It was about a man. I was crazy for him, he was so smart. I was smitten by his thoughts his knowledge and discipline and I was enamored of his martial arts. He made me a good fighter. I was rockin out kicks like a pro!

All the things I loved so much then..I was also fit and young and striking, not american beauty but more Greek..yes, Iam greek so that can not be changed.

We made art and he did all the math with soap(it was before technology with fats on the internet) and it was good..I became anastasia's ideas and it was so good. living the life you believe in is very good.

Until..

I opened the door at night, his night, his dark night he hated in the day world was darker yet than any other thing he could have created for himself and so imaginative too!

I was as if the goddess Psyche who saw her lover at night and he was a demon after all. He had been  hiding his true self from her eyes..

It all comes out..and brews and stews for many until it trickles out in small clues  one by one like the hollywood people right now..

I cried a lot when I found out. I screamed at god and all the promises made on his behalf. 

How? 

How be so in hate and still meditate and make claims..like some Catholic priests, yea?

How can you hide for years and pretend you are worthy when at night when no one can see, you are willing and happy to torture and humiliate women..sadistically? How can you prowl through the internet for just that perfect fantasy girl or boy..who knows what you really like, it doesn't matter really??

Here are some things we allow from men..or our current lovers..I do not care how you have sex..just read more books..listen and don't lie about who you are. You do not have to confess anything!

we allow belonging to them

we allow loyalty no matter what

we allow abuse in the area of unbalanced chores

we allow the pretending during the day to continue in hopes that things will willingly improve because desire for the best things..

we are comfy with the money and do not want to separate the home and suffer out in the world 

we pretend that it is just a joke when they make up a fantasy about you in order to cloak their own debauchery

It is not a joke..it is called "gaslighting" in order to divert their own deportment in their lives.

I had asked a question see/ I had dared to present the conditions in the day time.

"How can you behave this way, really?"

"I can never fully be loyal to an old whore like you."

"oh, really??"

Yea..I learned hard that day..it stuck like a knife..I had to rethink my loyalties and I had buried myself in details that took time to separate and come to terms..I stayed cold from then, though.  

I reminded myself and I stayed fixed on my goals that I must not remain in this horrid state of mind.

Horrid because to come to your fullest contentment, you must not need to bend the knee..

I knew I hated this pretend life of me bad, he, big bad!! Lovers or partners like that will think bad about anyone who gets too close. Why? Abusive assholes, that is why!

Fear and shame is a player in our lives, I am afraid. Shed that right now!

Here we are.. The Old Whore.. 

She is just so fine. Chypre' Smoky, resinous, lingering, smart..patchouli, labdanum, oak moss..yum

Old Whore 18 

Don't be sad babies..it is just a story..I love you!

Hello December

It is almost December and a new year approaches.
This year as every year has been busy and tumultuous.

I got turned down for a job which was a secret blessing even tho they piss me off with their fake bull shit words..
Retail is like a thing, like on (spoilers)) stranger things..a strange swarm like reality which is unseen and yet powerfully all around us. ha ha
My skills as a human may soon be un-required as computers get smarter and smarter. It is cool and super weird...I will continue to make soap for us!

Also the gender thing..freaks me out. I can't say, "that girl" any more or that is girly..ha ha ha now it is feminine and I must choose my language wisely..
Such things and I get a little bit confused..I think that Tumbler  has exposed a huge iceberg like form or awareness, I am not sure what to call it..but it is here in our young people who are ready to change the world and my archaic opinions won't matter a bit.. it is certainly worthy of notice and a chat.

How does our mind work so that we group like this. We have these groups of humans that hate each other so much over the color of their hats or if they are rich or what they preach about.

How about be healthy wise and kind to all humans?
How about your countries people who died 100 years ago, or 1000 years ago, you put that away now and work towards real honest strength for all  and know please finally put the coffin on it  and I know most humans will not won't no way..they will not stop relying on a god who never showed up for them.
Who never paid for the furnace when it broke, and who never even shed a tear when Jewish babies were being smashed against a wall before their mothers and fathers were starved to death and then gassed to death after that.
Seriously how mean is that? He never showed up. We made that happen..some of us..don't even get me started on the native americans and how they were treated..jeez and we pretend they helped us..they did.

I wonder why we are so forlorn that we grab anything that can fill us and make us feel loved?

I will make you feel love babies..for reals.
I will make good food and make it so tasty.
I will make the best soap ever with blue tansy and more
Like
The old whore
like the fougere'
like the chypre blends I love

I know it is time to remember the good things..there are many for me..
I no longer cry as much
I am surrounded by love and support
I am very cool
a cool old whore babies..

Did I ever tell you the story of the old whore?
(it takes strength and fortitude to call something a name like "old whore")



.

Black Saturday normalmente

I was thinking I would say something witty
something rare and invoking, evoking making you cringe a little bit you know?
Is it scary of hurtful or is it funny and truthful?
I am a messenger..

We had the family here for the food thing on thanks giving..
yes, there were a political argument or two. I listened. When you have two passionate minds colliding it is time for the anastasia to soothing by taking people down to what is real.
I told the story of the attic where  the family had to live and they had to stand in line to get soup and when the momma made pigs head dumplings and they were so good the whole neighborhood came to buy one and then the government took away the right to sell pig's head dumplings.
This is what I always remember on these days when we have the luxury to claim a side and fight for the win..it can all change in a breath of a wind..
I hope that you check it out if you want to.
the attic


Also check out some of my work this month at my etsy site..I look really nice :)
Dont spend all your money on a tv, get a soap or three from me, xx
eleneetha

so many things to say

I am of a mind to say more though..about soap and what is up with the murru murru butter?
It is hard and smelly like a hot man and a one timer..nuph said..lol
murru butter soap murru murru murru murru

I think you should try some of the soap I made with him, murru murru,  and see what you think.
I am working on the vanilla tobacco blend so bare with me. It is just not what I want yet.  I liked the dry off yesterday and I am on a pretty good track with what I want to feel when I put this blend on.
In soap, there are things that do not have to follow perfume ideas. In perfume oil, things will never be like the alcohol sprays. Just saying..one learns and adjusts accordingly. In soap, you use large amounts of your dominant oil and pour hard because you want the patchouli to melt on you with the bubbles of soap organic shea and coconut oils. I want all those things. In perfume, I want something now, the top note, and something later..like a lingering memory.

It needs more cedar wood I think or even some woodsy item not spruce, maybe pine. No, not pine.
Pine is super nice with frankincense and a drop tangerine. yummy

Tobacco vanilla notes are listed somewhere or everywhere as I tend to write things down on napkins and scrap paper as much as I write in notebooks. I wish I were more organized in that way. dang man...

This blend, I put in soap.  I saved back some of the blend to make a perfume oil.  I hope to make it nice. Vanilla is the key here and how it meshes with the overly sweet tobacco and tonka.

I want there to be a little bit of almost sick discomfort, fear and desire and that is why I added jasmine grand from India..the best I have had in years. (eden)It is the epitome of what you'd expect from a flower like jasmine and in such beautiful waves and layers of floral tones.  It hides in this blend but good.

It is the vanilla and  cedarwood that lend themselves to make the stable carpet of sweet delectable dirty and memorable encounters..:) we might have to enjoy  as time develops the molecules and mixes them each day to become more what they intend to be.

I do not really want leather here.  I want soft whispers of hidden secret scent molecules just waiting to accept each other and carry on.

I love this, my true work!

I get so excited and happy at the same time..

I say too much.

I love you!

I love vegan and have been vegan and now I live like a french person, what?

Libra loves luxury and eating well.eathing butter and bread are the most fullfilling things one could eat.
And as it goes, these evolving days,were are needing to be gluten free because we feel better. Vegan because blood sugar..
I get it and believe me I have gone through changing my diet due to migraines and guess what? It was me making my head hurt not the bread. It was me holding jaw tight as to contain my angst..yes I have it..the anxiety that comes from fear hormones and dwelling in a flood of muck all the time!

I think Scorpio just wants stability and to relax without fighting because dude, don't pick a fight a scorp..shit! It could be because they tend to be right with a sting..lol
Look,  I love astrology, it is the best myth around! Archetypes exist..
Like my boy Thomas..
He dresses like he is going to be on a ship somewhere or on a golfing outing! so cute! Taurus is adorable, yo!
Oh except when (another older and should be kind Taurus) they go on my Instagram to preach about their passion and then I get pissed..really? You chose instagram to project your political agenda on my Instagram and yea..I thought it was rude if not douchy..
I will not block either. He will learn to be respectful. I keep telling him,  "I am a cook, you fuk, don't make your diet my religion! I eat like a cook! A little bit and a whole lot of making!
I study cooking. I have studied escofier and all the french cooks including Julia Child who studied them..I have cooked for weddings and banquets and served so many people and now because you are sick and cured from your blood sugar after years of drinking, smoking and eating fast food cooked by other people, you are passing along good information..go to the  facebook then, facebook is perfect for any cultish following..really, my soup with the mushrooms..please, it was delicious, made right for ramen..I am trying to study Asian for ten years now..it is delicate and hard and fast and so interesting. I have wanted the perfect broth you see, the kind you dip noodles in..I have never made a perfect batch to be proud of yet. Each time I miss the mark because perhaps I am too Greek and set in my ways.
The more I study cooking, the more I see my mothers talents when she was a young woman, she cooks like escofier all day. At the end of the day, it is all about the gravy.

I want to live like a rustic french person even tho I am greek,
with a little bit cheese and good bread from wheat which is grown right there and I want to enjoy that meal with a tomato and maybe a fresh very fragrant cucumber which sparkles in your mouth and you would put a little salt on that, pink, Himalayan, mmm
you would cut each piece with your knife as to not make a big mess
that is the finesse with the knife
Like when we were by the river and you caught some blue gills and we fried them in butter on a fire and it was dleicious
with salt and sex I suppose
maybe that is why things are delicious
maybe well fed men are more randy
moohhaaaaa!

good day my November friends

It just got really cold here in southern Michigan! Best soap craft weather ever. When it is too hot outside, the soap gets all mad and hot, truth! The best soap takes its time, gently, slowly and no stress.

"Gratitude is where I dwell"

I made all the clay and salt soaps and today some more exotics..
Too many details make things common so I won't speak of them:)
I organized my labels and burned all the old ones. Nothing stays the same babies. every soap is to be unique in its own time not a soap labels from 3 years ago..
Man I love soap making! I have made such nice soaps through the years here on earth. I have..I am super confident in that.
Do I have batches that were ruined  lingering in my brain? Nope! Why worry about such trivial short lasting things? Why ponder on your mistakes so much that you call them a new name in order to mold yourself somehow, to be timid and meek? Maybe we all do it. I am not timid.

I had a review with the door closed at my job..they have worked with me for ten years but now that there is a script they must abide by, I am not confident enough they said! OMG! I am shocked..but okay!
Me?? Not Confident? Yes, it was spoken in words through a mouth to me...

Cunning wordmanship for something they demand from me. It sticks like nothing else. Everything else they said to me was like when Charlie Brown showed his parents talking.."whack whaak whack...not too many on shelf, not enough on shelf, too many in back, too little now, why to little, whaac whack whak??"
Me not confident, really??
They preceded the interaction with a warning about my reaction to the critiques..
It makes me put my head down automatically and then they shut the door like we are going to talk about brain surgery or something but it is really me and what they want.

I am writing about it because I am considering  stepping down and just taking the pay cut. This is a prod from the gods ())) that it is time to grow the right way and please, no cameras..goddamit, they are everywhere.
Me? Not confident??
"I am an artist" I told them that when they said I am not confident. Was I made to get up at three so I can scan vitamins and shampoo? Yes, for the money, and no for the teeter totter of retail buying?
Well, if I am going to be not confident about something, this is really about the best thing I can be not confident about! Seriously, I loose sleepover such silly things!

"I dwell in gratitude"

Here is what I think and you can judge me or not..I think we are turning so corporate and so cold inside  that our persona changes in that arena. It is theater in war.. money and business is theater. Christmas is theater and Thanksgiving, the most lucrative billions of dollars industry! It is theater. the turkeys all die  and some ass will bring back a frozen one and we have to throw it away.
Thanksgiving for grocery stores is more money than Christmas, which I have been since 1983 when I started at Zerbos with Harry Zerbo and Clair and we cared so much about spirulina then. Not some magic formula on the TV by DR Oz who called everything a "miracle" because people never learn anything they just watch TV. Yes, friends the masses..they flock!
And no, I will not make this about religion, but seems like we do create one..in this case..the god is the camera and the computer and the scanning device which knows how many steps I take and from where..
ah modern times/modern problems..first world problems.

I dwell in gratitude.

Scorpio and sag make me love roses

Look, I rant a lot we all know this, and at the end of the day I will listen and change my mind if need be. If it is best!
Scorpio energy is stubborn so we need to take that indignant and transform it in to something workable and better..
we do not go back for some sacrifice or martyrdom because we are weak women or some dumb crap.
I learned that having gone through two husbands.
I asked my cousin Pete, RIP Pete, why these men want to treat us this way? He said they were weak and got violent because of their own failure as men..anyhow, He is gone. his words like a puff of smoke..point being,
a person can only be held down so long and then they will fight back!

We are only a product of what our parents introduced to us and made us live by. My mom had her limits with the church right from an early age. She can always see reality better than me and yet I see her flaws and how she will give up and say the words, say them and follow along or else..papou too. I find that when fear keeps us from expressing our true thoughts, because of violent outbursts by the listener, I find that there is a despondent reaction to do nothing and say nothing. We all do that.

My ma!
She cooks she does her thing..I love her.
I think again, at the end of the day, there is nothing wrong with staying home and cooking all day..sometimes..
This is not really about my mom even though she made an excellent spaghetti the other day!

I want to tell you that there is rose here and I am drawn to it and want it all over me. Why don't we have a rose cream anyhow?
The thing is, that Bulgarian is what I want! Rose otto Bulgaria..OMG, just every wonderful exploding rosy thing,  it is!

Rosy Bitch Cream

rose otto bulgaria
sandalwood
vanilla

mango butter
grapeseed oil
raspberry seed oil
avocado oil

November Happiness and all the goodness to behold

There has been a shift. And humans are so driven by it and by each other..we are doing and working and striving to be adequate and dare we dream big and say strive for excellence..?

please no..please let us always be hungry for more, open doors, open hearts and minds for those who were outside for so long
open hope for our children's healthy futures and the grass which naturally grown
let us never just accept certain
lies of my people or those
 respect comes from me first and then you..please keep your culture on those terms
lets not forget that love is respect and the heart will always show on the face of the one who speaks..
let us always attend to what is real and keeps our kin safe, healthy and well fed..sweetness in life!!
Sweetness in life melting over each other like a butter balm from eleneetha..now that is livin'!



I am in high company with you. I am very happy, very much!
Thank you for allowing me to enjoy yours!