And usually is is the last thing you want to hear. Your heart rate goes up and you freak out inside a little. Sometimes when things get really intense I feel it all the way to my..well? It is the root area where energy happens. Where you are alerted in to action.
Mercury retorgrade.! Fuker!
It is always money too. Too much money for simple things that you could have done yourself if you weren't so embroiled in that one thing or two that make you loose focus on what is real as opposed to what you want so deeply. Deeply, for the moment and right now.
What do you want?
When you sort through that and it is a matter how much money it is to have it, then you know.
When you sort through your reasons and how long desired thing will last as opposed to "should" last, then you know. You will have that..
When in your mind, the expectations of your daily life do not match with the way you really live and the way you conceive things in your mind, you must pull away or be dragged. We have all been dragged so do not think I am preaching to you.
Take me for example..daily life for me and how much money it takes to live in Livonia, gets to me. I would rather walk to work than pay esurance..they rake you with expenses. the roads you drive on cost money. It makes me long for the hills of Costa Rica, when lived right by the bus stop and wasn't afraid of being killed on my way to my shack. Even at midnight I would wait for the last bus after cooking for rich Americans and never one time was I in danger there. I do not feel safe at bus stops around the city at midnight in Detroit..sorry babies, I don't.
Sometimes I want to cook again. I have been watching cooking shows now and again and sort of don't care.
I mean how many times can I sit and enjoy "drunk" Anthony Berdaine eating bone marrow from the bone..mmmm
My yia yia used to give us that and we would all scream that it was gross. It is good for you. She told us that and we thought she was kidding. She also re used sardine cans as little dishes for us.
She would cook a duck now and again in her earth oven cook house where magic happened. Where we bathed near the hearth and where we waited for the women to bring out hot steaming loaves of bread, homemade butter and cheeses for our Sunday feasts. My Thia Fanitsa would start singing and make us all cry, even the wee ones that we were, we cried too. She is in her sixties now and we are more equal because ten years makes a difference when you are 10 years old. She is still pretty!
My papou was a stern man and we didn't bother him much and he didn't bother us..one time he caught me steeling eggs so I could pay for ice cream..the guy took eggs for payment. We had the biggest most delicious eggs!
He didn't scold me..I seemed to have gotten away with quite a lot at ten!
I would love chickens, three of them and a cute little house to go with them.
I would love a little building with my earth oven and area to sit or bathe..a modern earth oven hot tub area? No, not anything that has water in that I have to treat. I want a stone tub that I will drain and clean.Mostly I want an earth oven and one made by a master of earth ovens..
a mason a stone mason..indeed!!
I want that.