Friday, June 24, 2016

yea, it was fuking hard

I did not say that but it was.
Has anything been easy for me in my life? Nope!
"You are strong Anastasia!" "Really..."

I was telling a girl about why I am not married anymore and how it all went down. I have not held back on the truth because maybe I have had a very difficult and adventurous life? Maybe I have  come so far as to be amazing?? Ah self aggrandizing is fun, ha ha ha..

Now that I am older though , I do not care to go anywhere. I do not even care that England has left the EU..I mean all of Earth should be easy to pass in and out..One Earth one rape, no stoning, no wars, each country trading freely without stupid pacts that have never worked. Too much talking and not enough telling the truth.. and everybody  has to study stuff and "thangs" which please them or else a wasted life is about to continue to tick and time will show that you have done nothing which has value.

My children asked me the other day about my future plans. I plan my life by cycles. In one's thirties, sex is a big thing, you remember great juicy young sex right?
I do..:)
Memories are wonderful but do not get lost in reverie because you can not go back and even if you try, you cannot go back all the way. Go forward I  always say and be real about the troubles facing you every day..there are many troubles!
They like to call them opportunities now, but I call them troubles!
"were your kids well behaved during your trip back home through central america?"
"Yes, of course they were"
"I raised them on books and they totally got a taste of the real world out side the pretty lawns and perfect little we all spoke Spanish"
Such a beautiful language, Spanish!
We had frogs in the house and lizards and there was one time, a snake and I kept my self wrapped in a sheet when I slept because the bugs were never ending.
One time we ran out of money, and propane! I  thought, "no worries, I will build a fire, what is the big deal?"
What is the big deal??
Bamm!! Rain, fuking down pour for hours and then days and then months..going outside to start a fire made me miss concrete so much. Killing a chicken which I fed for eggs , sigh, because we needed food, and then we ate that bird.. the money came and went. It is a strange thing when everything is "Uber" and other countries which may or may be developing, Uber, is the way!
Everything was Uber, low pay with no benefits.
I knew that I would not want to live that way for too much longer, I knew that. We had met up with some Buddhist renoucers, and everything was about shedding the need and greed for comfort!
What a load of crap!
Sorry but I like nice skin that is not eaten by bugs. I do not think your god loves me more than I love myself. I know that. They did not want to actually suffer either, who does?
People who pretend that God likes you to suffer to make up for what he made you to be
sorry, I wont rant about god and then I never know!
no, not today!
Today I will be so supper stoked that I am  here, safe, comfy and super creative with skills..
Things are going as planned!

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