Thursday, October 13, 2016

an empty spot on the grass where a big thing was sitting all summer

it wasn't anything
just a dream I had about a swimming pool full of water (you know the kind you buy at the big lots place)
In my dream I did not want to remove it from the grass because it would leave a big  round empty spot of almost dead grass..all yellow and withered...
In my dream I had to remove it. I had to get rid of it before it killed all my grass underneath..I woke up thinking about the bare spot outside and it ugliness against the rest of the lawn. I then realized it was only a dream. yes a dream of my picturesque mind. Ugliness has its colors though..
Not its ugliness really, more its not fitting in that place..I had to put it away. Had to!
Unload as it were. That thing is very heavy, unnecessary and too blue! lol..(remember that in reality I do not have a pool like that at this moment)
I do have reasons why I am obsessed with clean and orderly and aesthetic..I know because my home is not like the perfect design photos on Instagram..and yes, I wish I had more linen everything..and no curtains and super tidy..and ocean breezes, mmmm and sacks of money like Donald Trump and I sure wouldn't waste it on grabbing pussies..LOL
(had to)))

I said to my inner hearts mind as i browsed for towels on IKEA..I said some things... and to my minds eye..
You do not need all the things you crave at this moment.
You do not need full control of everything.
Just the things you've been carrying  around with you to this day. Let it go, release this burden and let the grass grow wild which you've been crushing all this time. Maybe not all of it but certainly this one big blotch of heavy weight..
Just like the 2000 books you carried from house to house every year.
Just like the burdens of fear and loathing I may carry because it seems like no one will understand and then if they did, they would think less of a little bit means pain and sorrow and changing..

yea..we all do it, I know because I know I am not special or more special than you and what you carry and what is killing your grass underneath its weight..
I am so profound in the morning yes?

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