Thursday, August 7, 2014

women my age today I woke up

55 yo!

Anyhow, here is the thing. Because many of them (women in my age group) do not have full time jobs and a business and some of them travel abroad some of the time..I make for a bad friend. I think they think I have idle time and get upset if I do not hang out or go to lunch or come over. The other day I had to cancel an engagement because my daughter had something I needed to help her with..I had to cancel yet again.
She was so looking forward to us chatting it up. They get upset with me!
She is really nice and smart. She is a writer and one of her stories really touched my heart about an Israeli mother just having given birth, having to trade her child with a Palestinian mother so that the killing would stop knowing each  had kin living in the other's  place.
Interesting thought!

Yea, they should assimilate! Plus stop defending god and live, assholes!
I get so mad at them! The dummies who arm themselves with bombs and then kill themselves so that they can kill a few more people and hurt a few more. Both of their dogmas came from Abraham..Both! I think the world is  ridiculous. Why worship this horrible horrible god who can't even defend himself? If he could, wouldn't he just show up? I think about things! Well, he killed Lot's wife (remember she turned in to a pillar of salt) because she dared to look back at her home she was leaving forever..and then Lot has sex with his own  two daughters? How drunk was he? later he gave them away to be gang raped because some angel came over and the men wanted to "know him" he is like, "no, take my two daughters instead and do not touch this man (the angel)))"
No wait, that was before god turned his wife in to a pillar of salt..oye! My point being, that, they are all backwards. Maybe the Israelis are more advanced so you know more of the poor country's  people die and suffer..

Anyhow she was hurt, the other one, is hurt, I am sorry..the whole thing does not work and then I get burdened with guilt because I feel the need in people with my frakin Mercury in Scorpio..
No!
I am busy. Sorry, I cannot. It is the way I have planned my life's day. My kids and my home are what I look forward to every day. I must. I have a whole lot going on..maybe some people can't get that. Not the blaring music and not the mess which you know, everyone pitches in, but the comfort of my own bath and my wonderful telly and tea and honey and laundry and the garden...it is my wonderful life!

What is this burdensome feeling, this guilt..is it based on some sort  of "self manipulation"?
High expectations or too high of an opinion of ourselves?
I do not know.
I won't have it, hear me!

No guilt
no shame
no expectations of grandeur
just be
clean up and be happy
find something to do for you
do a great job
make money
do not rely on others
for happiness
or love
love comes because
your heart is a beacon
it is the hottest part of you

I love your heart and I cannot make plans
I need to rest in between my life's earnings


I love you


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